Porn is confidence building more than just sex

He hung his head low and muttered as he struggled to zip up his jacket. I was having a bad day myself. I knew the feeling all too well. I went to walk past him when it occurred to me. We feel lonely when we get caught up in our own bullshit because we never talk to people. So I told myself I wasn’t going to just walk past him.
I spun around. “What’s wrong?” I asked bluntly.
He looked surprised and took a cigarette out of his pack. “Just got kicked out. Gotta find a place to sleep tonight.” He sat on the steps.
“Want to take a walk to the park up the street? Rarely anybody is there?”
He agreed. Of course, he did. He’s a guy. He talked a lot. He was a tweeker and had been up for 3 days straight. He had been homeless since his wife died giving birth to their first son. His son went into foster care and hasn’t been seen since. He hadn’t been with another woman since then. A few hook ups, but nothing satisfying. They wanted to fuck hard and cum fast. That’s how street hookers are. They just want the guy to cum.
“That sucks. There’s so much to sex than ejaculation,” I said.
He told me he thought of his son a lot but knew better than to contact him. His dad was a homeless tweeker who could offer nothing to him. Failure after failure drive him to the bliss drugs offer. I could relate. I had been there before.
When you’re such a pathetic loser, drugs help you cope with being a loser. It’s easier to just get high rather than focus on your problems and work harder than anybody can imagine to get rid of them.
He said he was too old to work on his problems. Almost 40. No kids, no wife, hang ups from a long past childhood. Nobody wants a childhood to haunt them in their 40s. You sound like a bitch complaining about it.
“That is the longest hand job I’ve ever had,” he laughed after finally coming.
I should have mentioned that I had his dick in my mouth and hands this whole time we were talking at the park. It’s easier to open up that way. It sounds gross but if someone is willing to be vulnerable with you after so long of shit storm after shit storm, it kind of boost your confidence enough to be honest. It sounds gross, sure. But touch is kind of a human nature mandate. We need it. Some touches are ok by society. Some are gross. Not sure why. It’s all the same to me.
“I do sensual massages,” I told him. “Honestly, they’re way better than sex. This was a freebie.”
But because of the taboo nature of nude massages, the videos get posted to my pornhub page rather than my YouTube. Which makes no sense. But whatever.
I met him a week later. He went back and talked out his problems with his former roommate and was able to stay there again until he got his first paycheck. Then he’d split the bills. He got a job at the gas station down the street. He started a few days after his blow job/hand job in the park.
Listening to him talk, he was a different person. Maybe it was the dirty hand job in the park that lasted an hour because I’m an asshole and edging is my thing. Maybe it was something else I didn’t know about. Whatever it was, I was glad I didn’t just walk past him and say not my problem. I have my own problems bum. I don’t regret the random ‘hookup’ I guess it was. I can put fancy words on it like tantric lingam massage, but it was a hand job. With lots of edging. I regret nothing.
That’s why I love what I do, despite society’s judgement about it. No you don’t have to be ‘hot’ (studies show that simply means symmetrically made) to do porn. You just have to know what to do. Not every hot person can do porn. It’s not just fucking. It’s foreplay. Its edging. It’s knowing how to handle it when his erection dies and knowing it has nothing to do with you or him. It’s biology and rebuilding his ego works better than a blow job. It’s role play. It’s a lot of things. It’s confidence building above everything.
I never found out if he got to see his son, but he had a job and a roof over his head. That was good enough for me.